Scared Silly
When Fear Gets a Little Too Fear-y
I haven’t had as much time to write of late and no, it doesn’t have anything to really do about phobias, although I do suppose if I were to be downright honest it would have to do with some level of fear. There has been a lot of changes in my life recently and now being in full time private practice I’m seeing all sorts of folks walking through the doors of my office and struggling with so many different things. So here we are going to chat about fear at the extreme - phobias.
First, a disclosure, throughout this post, I use humor to describe phobic diagnoses and symptoms. This is in no way meant to poke fun at any of the diagnoses nor is it designed to make anyone feel as though they are less than should they experience any of these conditions. Humor is utilized throughout the post to discuss these symptoms because it helps people to distance from the symptoms. Humor can be used as a defense mechanism for people but it is also a helpful coping skill for people to have in order to view symptoms from a different perspective.
Secondly, I strive to be authentically me wherever I am and that means that I do use colorful metaphors in my speech. There is language that will reflect that throughout this post.
We’ve all experienced fear. Every single person alive. Fear is just a part of being human. Whether it has been butterflies before a date, sweaty palms before a job interview, or that sinking feeling when the Wi-Fi goes out mid-streaming session (the horror!). But what if fear turns from those "manageable,” albeit uncomfortable, “jitters" into "I'm never leaving my bed ever again?” Well, that’s where it get’s problematic because now, it’s interfering in your life and your movement towards the things that you value.
So, What's a Phobia?
A phobia is fear on steroids. Picture this: You're enjoying morning coffee, sitting across from your partner living your best life at the kitchen table. The sunlight is streaming in through the blinds and everything is blissfully perfect. As your eyes drift lazily, a small movement catches your eye.
A SPIDER!
Now, to you, the spider looks massive hanging from the ceiling on it’s web dangling above your partner’s head. In reality, it is a small, non-venomous house spider, but that’s not how phobia’s work. The rational side of our brains don’t kick in, so instead, you scream a blood curdling scream leaping from the chair, racing out of the house, ready to burn the house down and googling where in the world you can live that is devoid of all spiders. Welcome to the wonderful world of phobias, where the fears might be irrational, but the panic is oh-so-real, and the embarrassment that can be felt when someone sees us act on those fears may be overwhelming.
Phobias typically come in three delightful flavors (note that these are not the only kinds or symptoms that exist for each diagnoses of these but rather are examples):
Specific Phobias: Fear of flying, spiders, needles, or heights (basically, think generic nightmares).
Social Anxiety Disorder: Anxiety within social interactions, because of feelings of being judged, or perhaps accidentally waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you (don’t over pathologize yourself with that one, I’d have social anxiety too if that was the ONLY criteria!).
Agoraphobia: Fear of crowded spaces or places where escape feels as complicated as a Rubik’s cube.
What Do Phobias Actually Feel Like?
Phobias are like your body's dramatic way of saying, “FUCK NO!” Common signs you're phobia-ing hard include:
A heart rate faster than that fiber Wi-Fi speed.
Shaking and lack of focus that looks like a Squirrel on espresso.
Feeling dizzy enough to audition for a tilt-a-whirl.
Nausea or stomach discomfort like a period from hell.
Feeling like breathing is suddenly an optional feature that your body forgot.
A powerful urge to flee the scene faster than your paycheck disappears on payday.
A lot of people feel as though they're "going crazy." Spoiler alert: you're not. Your brain just decided to spice things up. I wish I could tell you why brains do this, but I have no idea.
You aren’t alone
Let’s get down to all seriousness here, joking aside, phobias aren't rare unicorns. They are actually fairly common according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Studies have found that around 9% of adults in the U.S. have a diagnosis of a specific phobia during the course of a year. 7% of individuals in the U.S. struggle with social anxiety disorder, and 1-2% of adults in the U.S. are diagnosed with agoraphobia.
A diagnosis of any of these classes of phobias can feel defeating, but there is hope. I think that the world needs a little more of a sense of humor in it as that humor is what allows us to view our own symptoms lighter. Now, you may say, “Doc, that’s F’d up! It feels like my symptoms are going to kill me when I experience them.” And I would agree - 100%. It does feel that way. We also know, that these conditions won’t kill us even though your brain is going to try to tell you that you’re going to die if you push the envelope! So let me tell you about what some of the treatments look like for these diagnoses.
Exposure Therapy: Think of this as the slow-motion showdown between you and your fear, guided by your clinician. Gradually, your brain realizes the scary thing isn't actually the villain it made it out to be.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Can be viewed a mental gymnastics - okay, maybe not that complex, but same idea - to help untangle thoughts that keep tripping you up, restructuring thoughts to reframe your brain and swap anxiety for confidence.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Recognizes that there is a balance in the world and some things you can control and others you can’t. Within this framework, you remind your brain that your emotions - in this case fear - doesn’t run the show and you are in control of your life and your choices.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): If emotions hit you harder than the latest viral meme, DBT offers practical skills to keep you balanced, grounded, and ready to face your fears like a champ.
Ready to Laugh in the Face of Fear?
Phobias might be intimidating, but the right therapy can transform them from scary monsters to mildly annoying house guests. I don’t want to lead you astray, it’s hard work in therapy addressing phobias. You should always be in charge of your treatment and your life. Your fears called; they said they're tired of being in charge anyway, so if you’ve been thinking about going to therapy, I encourage you to try it out. It’s got to be less scary than whatever you're afraid of.